Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Ok I'll admit it

I'm currently coming to terms with something...

I'm severely depressed, more a situational, rather than a chemical depression I do believe, but never the less depressed.

It dawned on me the other day that I haven't been depressed since I was in high school.

Two people, friends, who don't see me often...within a week of each other...commented on my mood and asked me what was wrong. One flat out told me that I'm depressed.

I'm not turning to food in this depression, the scale isn't moving...either way..which pisses me off, yet relieves me a bit. I know food isn't a healthy crutch and I refuse to entrap myself in that again...

I haven't been keeping up with my blog or my reader for that matter and I hope when I snap out of the funk I'll get back on the horse...

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Where to start...???

I haven't disappeared or fallen of the face of the earth, or the wagon for that matter. Life has been chugging right along and I'm enjoying the ride...I think I'll bullet point some "highlights"

  • I didn't do the walk, the day was beautiful and my son and I were having so much fun I didn't want to ruin it...There are so few nice days this time of year.
  • I didn't travel to D.C. for the cherry blossoms...where does the time go?
  • I have been quite the "Becky Home Ec-y" lately...I have been making veggie burgers once a week, I made my own homemade ketchup from tomato paste (super yummy and cheap), I made some yummy shortcakes for fresh strawberries with Bisquick and almond milk and they were so moist, and last night I made gravy for the very first time!!! Oh wait, I've made lasagna and Roni's Rotini pasta dish as well. I've made other stuff in the meantime mind you but those were the highlights! I'm also a SUPER DUPER fan of HG's Onion Rings!!!
  • I've been getting 3 to 5, 3 to 4 mile walks in a week and I'm feeling great. I've also been jogging a little and can sprint like no one's business!
  • Been trying to decide whether or not to join the Y, with the weather being nice I don't want to waste the astronomical fee if I'm getting my exercise outside!!!
  • I went to the doctor, still procrastinating on the blood work...my own scatterbrainedness. She said something that floored me, got me to thinking and really made me do an about face..."You are a healthy woman, your BP is normal, you're eating right and getting exercise and that I'm glad to see, your plateau can be broken through by doing one of the following either step up the intensity of your workouts or lower your calorie intake, otherwise I see no reason you can't break through it. I will however still test your thyroid and we'll go from there"....That to me made me feel, gosh I don't know...there aren't words to describe it!!! ALL OF MY LIFE I've heard nothing but "loose weight, loose weight, you're unhealthy, you have to do something about this weight" from doctors and for her to say that...I was just awestruck...dumbfounded and elated all at the same time. It's helped me look at myself different and look at my food different.
  • I have an enormous amount of stress right now regarding extended family matters but this too shall pass.
  • I've had a patch lately where I feel like I'm not contributing to "society" like I need to "get out there and get a job"...I know it's because I'm listening to jealous naysayers and I know that the job I have at home bringing my son up is the most important thing I can be doing...
  • I'm finding the simple, peaceful joys in life and not beating myself up so much when I slip up...
In a not so short nutshell that's my life. I certainly will try to get back here more often even with all the nice weather!!!