Saturday, July 25, 2009

It's been awhile...

In the words of Stain'd...

Its been a while
Since I could...
Hold my head up high
Its been a while
Since I first saw you
Its been a while
Since I could stand
On my own two feet again
And its been a while
Since I could call you

It has been awhile since I could hold my head up high. I'm working on it, each day it's a little higher.

It has been awhile since I first saw "me"...but looking in the mirror and deep in my soul I'm finding out just who that is.

It has been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet...and I will test that out very soon...


It has been awhile since I could call on myself, where I thought I have enough strength and fortitude to withstand everything thrown my way.

These past few months have been a test. Painful and trying. I got therapy and have a therapist who is just awesome and I'm coming to terms with issues. At the end of May two things happened. My grandfather had a stroke and I took a weekend to rediscover who I am, work on my marriage and just center myself. I found out part of who I am, what makes me tick. In that I quit relying on food for comfort most days, I've weaned myself off of all but one cup of coffee a day and accepted that if I'm to be happy I must find that strength within. The get away didn't have the affect I thought I wanted on my marriage...we're parting ways. It's amicable and civil and I hope the dissolution continues to be as such. We're friends and parents...and we can be both apart from each other. As for centering myself...I feel I'm in a good place...

I'm taking on the care giving of my grandfather once he's released from the home and I pray all goes well. I'm scared as heck for the future because I don't know what it holds...but who amongst us does? I worry more for my son than myself.

Some good news is the scale finally did move after that weekend in May. I'm below 200 now! This morning it was 198! Not much below, but hey I'll take it!

This is a photo I took on the vacation...I stacked these up and Alex even left them alone for awhile. To me it symbolizes the balance and peace that came about me that weekend.