I will not return

Ok, along with posting my annoying weight this morning I want another reminder, a visual one, of the reason I need to eat healthier...

I will not go back here...

These are photo's from a trip with my friend Amy to Chincoteague Island VA in 2003

Ouch

You know those times when you know you've been bad but you just PRAY that the scale doesn't reflect it? I had one of those moments this morning. I've been trying to eat healthier, watching how many snacks, eating dinner (or supper) later so not to have the evening munchies...BUT well meaning though slightly depressed hubs has been nourishing his sweet tooth with...chocolate cake...(I threw half of it in the garbage yesterday). I didn't cave though, I wanted to drown myself in peanut butter and wallow in self pity...Instead I decided after getting a text on the way to baby sit, that I didn't have to baby sit, to go shopping instead. Allow me a rant! I can see why the "super-low-mega-mart" businesses do so well while the rest of the retail world is suffering...they're open!!! What a concept :). I for one this morning didn't feel like going to the aforementioned store but rather wanted to go to the Dollar Tree for batteries, broom and degreaser. Batteries for the new/used spongebob TV game friends gave my son, broom for sweeping the snow away from the steps and degreaser for cleaning off the cupboard in preparation for painting. Then I was going to go to Aldi's to stock up on some fresh fruit and veggies. I need my produce, I know that I'm snacking on carbs, refined sugar and processed foods simply because there aren't grapes, apples, oranges and cauliflower in the fridge!!! Boy am I taking side roads today (lot to say and I want to get it all out). THEY WERE BOTH CLOSED!!! It was 8 am...UGH. So I drove back home, decided that I wouldn't just become a tater and watch TV...grabbed the crappy broom on the porch, swept off the front steps and then shoveled out the back steps. I also ran up the back hill twice this morning and before bed last night did 50 reps of balanced lifting on the ball (I mentioned in an earlier post). I will beat this winter weather blah if it kills me!!!

Now....since I've been avoiding it with that gimungous paragraph above I'm now going to post my weight....

208

Ouch...but I know I need to be accountable to myself and seeing it in black and white and blue allover....I'm sticking with it, sticking to it and not letting this win. I'm ticked off that I let myself have too many liberties!!!

On other notes, I've decided to step into the fire. I need a little "cha ching" and don't want to go full time or have any brain taxing jobs right now. A friend of mine owns a pizza shop and said I can pick up a few hours here and there. It's by no means a career nor something I'll be sticking with long term but it will get me out of the house for a few hours, give us a little money and hopefully get me up and moving again. I'm starting to feel atrophied!!! I know I can stay away from the food because I won't be working there for long hours and hopefully will be too busy to munch!!!

Anywho...there's my rant for the day!!!

Miscellaneous

I'm sitting here typing this on my balance ball, I read somewhere it's supposed to help strengthen your core. I don't know if that's the case, but it really is just the right height for the stand my laptop is on. I just got done doing 4 min. on the stepper and 3 min. lifting weights while balancing on my ball. It really is quite at sight. I drape myself over backwards so I'm looking at ceiling (which usually cracks my back) grab one of my 6.6 lb. free weights and pull it towards my toes with both hands. I can feel it strengthening those core muscles!

While I'm typing I might as well share a quick and easy recipe...Take 1 package of choice Ramen...if you have any left or can find any (they quit making it but I got a ton from a "bent and dent" store), bring water to a boil, add noodles and seasoning. Boil 3 minutes. I add to this while it's boiling or like the last minute...1 can of mixed veggies and 1 can of chicken. It's nice, warm and yummy!

The noodles are 5, veggies I figure at 2 and the meat usually around 4...so half the recipe I figure generously around 6 or 7 points. I will have to upload the pic from my desktop computer and share.

Do I have any thoughts for the day? Not really, just have cabin fever and can't wait for this weather to change!!!

Not resolutions...promises

So I've been thinking all night about what to resolve in the next year to do...

I already know I want to reach my goal weight which is 154...half my former size.
I want to eat healthier...not as many processed foods.
I have the tools and the knowledge and I'm finding the strength slowly to do it again...

So I'm making promises to myself...
Once I get below 200 again...I'm going to go ride a horse.

I know it sounds silly but when I was over 300 lbs. I was afraid to ride a horse for fear that I'd hurt the calm peaceful creatures that they are. I've never ridden a horse and I want to!!!

I promise to at least run one mile...to start out with. I feel it, I'm ready!!! I want to run!!! Now if this cold winter would just fly by!!!

I promise that when I get to 190 I'll spend a day window shopping ALONE!!!

I promise that when I reach my previous low weight 163 that I'll treat myself to a day of photography...

I promise that when I reach goal I will know I deserve it and will buy myself something super special!!! I'll keep you posted as to what that will be!!!

For you all I promise in the next week to post pics of all my equipment, cooking and exercise. I'm also contemplating a blog about my sweet little Nidge!!!

Till later...

Quote

Saw this today on an email newsletter...

Change takes place when the pain of remaining the same is greater than the pain of the change.

So true!!!

State of the nation...

I was listening to NPR the other day and also saw something on TV regarding the recession that we're in now. Mainly what I got from these is that we can survive and we will survive. All things happen for a reason and I think the lesson for our country is
1. get back to our family roots. So we don't have money to go out to eat. Stay home, get the family involved in meal preparations. It's better health wise anyhow!
2. Shop and stay local, go to your nearby local parks. We're lucky enough to have a couple of National forests around. They offer programs all year round.
3. We need to get back to what makes America, America. The creativity, resolve and ingenuity of it's people. What I've been researching about the depression is: When people got back to taking care of themselves and kept plugging away...they were able to rebound. It will help us also not to become such a disposable people. We dispose of people as we dispose of our trash. We need to surround ourselves with family and friends. We can help each other!!! I'm not entirely comfortable with the economy but I know WHO is truly in control and will lean on Him to get me through!

Ugh...

I hate it when I have a brilliant idea in the shower and once I get dressed...poof!!! I do recall it was about accountability to myself and about loving myself. If it comes to me later today I'll share it with you all :) It really was a good thought process!

Yesterday and today have been rather a disappointment. I've realized that I'm shutting people out of my life that I need, simply because I don't want to leave the house. I feel guilty for being unemployed (not technically, I can go back if I want to...but that's a whole other post). I know I shouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to work right now and enjoy my son...I know I have to get to the bottom of my emotional problems and soon and quit using excuses to abuse myself. I abuse myself by not getting out to walk...cause it's too cold and I make excuses...it's a vicious circle.

I want to have a more positive outlook, want to be more active and want to quit making excuses...