Mamma Mia

Ugh...I'm having a rotten day...well it started yesterday around 1 to be more precise...

We went to visit a friend out where we used to live (for 10 years). Love and adore this woman...but I hate going to her house. Don't get me wrong I love her house, beautiful, clean, child friendly...she's the Nidge's adopted Grandma because she was my mom's BFF. She's petite...BUT she's ALWAYS complaining about her weight, her muffin top...weight and health in general...BUT every time we go there she lays out a veritable smorgasbord of cookies, chips, cheese...any kind of food in general. I know she means well, it's just how she was raised...Key point here...hubs and I both have food issues. I'm midway thru my journey and hubs is starting his. I try desperately not to have ANY trigger foods in the house. Also, she's one of those people who prods you to shove food down your pie hole. So you guessed it...too many chips, bugles, pretzels, cookies...UGH I feel nauseous just thinking about it. I had a small breakfast and lunch and I'm back on the wagon...and know when the scale shows a gain later this week I have no one but myself to blame. OK enough of that vent...

Well while I was there I called and checked my voice mail. My boss called and said my 3 month leave paperwork is running out and he wants to know my intentions. I know what they are...1. I don't want to go back... 2. I want to be a SAHM and we've been getting by these past three months... 3. I don't want to go back and really I don't have to. My problem lies in how do I break this to him? What to say??? Hubs dad is going to chemo for 3 days every 3 weeks for aggressive chemo treatments and hubs is taking him. These are 10 hour days...if I was working what would my son be doing? I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna. I'm not having problems scrimping, saving and getting creative when it comes to meals....I just go that stinking, sinking feeling in my stomach. Any creative ways to say adios? I'm working on it today and going to call tomorrow.

Then last night I was going out to dance since our visit went to long and I missed our walk. Well the DJ stunk (it was karaoke) and we couldn't dance. Before I went though I had a heck of a time finding something I even felt the least bit comfortable in. I felt fat and ugly...annoyed as heck. I'm trying not to let this all get to me, staying out of the kitchen and drinking lots of water...

Tomorrow I hope is a better day...after I make that phone call of course...